'I should take work home tonight.'
'I can't go to the movies because of the exam.'
'It's not my fault I didn't get the job.'
'I hope it doesn't happen again.'
'If only things were different...'
Do you catch yourself uttering disempowering statements like these? You might as well scream 'I have no control over my life!'
Speak like this for long and you may notice a creeping sense of hopelessness and frustration. That's because the subconscious mind does not think for itself. It believes whatever is fed to it, whether the words are true or not.
The more we say things like 'I should' and 'I can't', the more weak and powerless the subconscious believes us to be. Beliefs like that shape our behaviours, which shape our actions, which change our results.
The easiest and fastest way to improve your results is to change the ideas that you feed to the subconscious. It can be as simple as changing a few key words.
Remove words from your vocabulary that imply that you have no options.
'I should take work home' paints you as a trapped by your job and introduces guilt.
'I could take work home' introduces power and choice. While the outcome might be the same (taking work home), it might not be - either way, the subconcious is hearing that you are in control of what you do, and that builds higher self-esteem and confidence.
'I can't go to the movies because of the exam tomorrow'. The subconscious hears: Woe is me! I'm a victim - trapped and powerless because of an exam!
Say instead, 'I chose to do this course. I could go to the movies, or I could study for the exam'.
'It's not my fault' is a disempowering phrase suggesting that things happen 'to' you, not 'because of your actions'. It gets you nowhere.
Even if it's the case that the employer gave the job to his nephew instead of you, saying 'it's not my fault' is still disempowering, dead-end thinking.
Taking responsibility for the outcome, regardless of the cause, leads you to find ways to improve. Unless your interview performance was perfect, there's room for personal growth regardless of who got the job and why. 'I take responsibility for getting the job' is empowering language.
'If only things were different'. BORING. Whine, whine, whine. Powerless.
'Next time, I'll do things differently...' This positions you in a realm where choice, options and opportunities exist. It puts you in the driver's seat.
Start by observing and noting down how frequently you feed negative ideas to your subconscious. You might be surprised at the extent of your disempowering self-talk.
Change one word at a time - why not focus just on replacing 'should' with 'could' this week, and see the difference that makes.
To read more on moving your language from 'pain' to 'power', see Susan Jeffers' best-seller, Feal the fear and do it anyway.