Building relationships

I've been asked to provide executive coaching for a manager who is dealing with some difficult staff. I happened to be babysitting my three-year-old niece when the email came through, so I asked her opinion.

'What do you do at pre-school when someone is being difficult or mean, Abbey?'

'Well!' she began, 'First, I take them out into the playground away from everyone else, then I give them a big hug, then I say "let's play something else", like twisting or spinning, then they're happy again!'

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There's merit in Abbey's pre-school approach - in fact, it's an approach that was shared by Abraham Lincoln, who said 'I don't like that man - I must get to know him better'.

Are you dealing with someone difficult, or experiencing a 'personality clash'? Who is going to make the first move?

MasterTime

Like millions of others, I was glued to the MasterChef finale, and have watched most of the series. That's about eight hours of air time per week, for fourteen weeks.

I chose to fill a big chunk of my spare time with MasterChef, and I've enjoyed it with my daughters.

As a consequence, I can't complain that there's 'no time' for other things, like writing my novel, exercising, spring cleaning, taking a long bath, having a massage, cleaning out the garage, updating my website or any of the other things on my list.

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Many of us love to run the 'I don't have time' story. Being 'flat out' has become part of modern Australian culture.

Be honest and recognise that you DO have spare time - you're using it to focus on certain priorities.

We can carve up our time however we like. I'm going to replace my MasterChef time with novel writing - so there's eight spare hours a week (or an entire working day) that I've just gained!

How could you find some extra time this week?

Feel the fear and do it anyway

I've just attended a four-day intensive, exhausting and rewarding public speaking and presentations skills course in Melbourne.

I was inspired by a handful of the particpants who came to the course not as experienced trainers wanting to lift their game, but as beginners wanting to conquer an acute fear of public speaking - something that had held them back in their careers for years (a fear that many people share).

At the beginning of Day One, these people had doubts about even entering the training room, couldn't look the audience in the eye, shook violently during the one-minute exercise and certainly couldn't utter a cohesive sentence.

By Day Four, the same people stood up in front of a group and gave a twenty-minute presentation, without any notes.

The transformation was startling.

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Do you have a fear that is holding you back in your career or personal life?

Fear of flying, fear of commitment, fear of the unknown, fear of the impact of children on your career, fear of rejection, fear of stepping up into a management role ...

Imagine the possibilities that might open up for you if you conquered that fear... if you let yourself feel afraid, but did whatever it is anyway.

What's really the worst that could happen?

Happens to the best of us...

My husband and I are just back from our gorgeous babymoon in Italy, where they really seem to 'get' life balance.

Afternoon siesta is a fabulous notion. Evenings don't seem to be spent catching up on work on lap tops in front of Master Chef - they're spent becoming master chefs and enjoying long meals with family and friends, or taking 'passaggiata' (evening strolls around the town after work).

It all seems so meaningful and relaxed (granted, we were on holiday, so everything appears relaxed!)

One thing that surprised me during our visit were the flaws in Michelangelo's masterpiece - the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

The panels with which he kicked off the project are far more detailed than the rest of the painting. They looked good up close but the detail is lost from the floor, so he had to modify the style for the rest - which meant bigger images, less intricate detail and more space.

He despised being ordered to paint the ceiling and ran away from Rome several times during the process, much preferring his sculpture work (and don't we all identify with those feelings, on our own scale, from time to time).

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When you doubt yourself, your work or your ability to achieve a certain standard, think of Michelangelo - slaving for years over a project he hated and mucked up at first, which permanently damaged his eyesight (nevertheless becoming one of the most famous masterpieces of the Western world).

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by someone else's apparent genius, success or happiness. Rest assured that the full story behind what appears to be perfect at first glance is rarely the fairytale you assume it to be, we are always more critical of ourselves than we are of others, and even Ninja Turtles have their moments!

How long will it take?

I read about a real estate agent who bought some nice framed prints to decorate the walls of the sales office, but thought it would take a day to hang all the prints, so kept putting it off.

The prints sat on the floor of the sales room for over a year, until once day he got sick of it and thought 'I'll just put one of these up this lunch time'.

Thirty-six minutes later, he had ALL of the prints up on the walls and the office looked great!

Inaccurately estimating the time it will take to do something can tempt us to procrastinate. We assume the task is much bigger and more harrowing than it will really be. We then spend many more hours and mental energy thinking about the task than it would take us to complete it.

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Look at your 'to-do' list and make an estimate beside each item of how long it would realistically take you to complete it.

Bunch the quick and easy tasks together and add up the total time it will take to get these things done.

Find slots in your diary and schedule the tasks in, along with a reward for getting through them.

You might be surprised at how much easier and faster some things are to accomplish than you anticipated.

Out with the old...

Wintry long weekends are fabulous for de-cluttering.

We've spent most of ours sorting through wardrobes and making space by putting together 'hand-me-down' parcels for my sister, only to have her do the same thing in reverse for us, so I'm not sure how much space we're creating but it certainly feels therapeutic to sort things out.

We also had a leisurely afternoon tea at a gorgeous tea house called 'Adore Tea'. Watching the steam rise out of the glass teapot, (heated over a tealight candle), hearing the soft chinks of china cups and breathing the aroma of 'cafe latte' flavoured tea was unexpectedly relaxing.

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De-cluttering gives you a sense of power, control and orderliness. Chunk down the task and attack one area each day, even if you've only got time to do the cutlery drawer at home and the pencil jar at work. Getting your workspace and home under control will make it so much easier to make the most of your time in both places.

Staying on track with complex tasks

Are you a big picture or details person?

The key to staying on track with complex tasks lies in being able to move easily between the two perspectives.

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Once you decide on your goal and create an action list, ask yourself if there is an easier way of achieving this.

When you're bogged down in detail, remind yourself of the big picture. What is the purpose of this task? If what you're doing does not fit in with your core purpose, stop doing it.

When you're focussed on the big picture, remind yourself of the steps you need to take to reach your goal.

Operate at each of these levels and perspectives and move between them often to manage complex tasks well.

Think of yourself as a master painter with a big picture in mind, painting intricate details and standing back for perspective to check that you're on track.